~kexllxy

I lost the map to my mind

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About Me Member Deviant of Many Talents Kelly L.Female/United States

Recent Activity Deviant for 6 Months
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memories

Matt F. you died when I was a freshman and you were only sixteen I wonder about all of the things you could have done and seen you could have been my boyfriend but i went with Ben instead I secretly thought you were cute but now I guess you're dead Ben was the one who let me know that monday November twelveth he was the only one who could for you couldn't tell me yourself you dying brought me and Ben closer to the side of the abyss you couldn't even say good bye that one time we nearly kissed instead you let Ben tell me,
that cold nove

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by ~kexllxy

well....
by ~kexllxy

well...it was just so long ago and somethings hurt so bad you can't forget never forget walking with the moon
and that time we went fishing
and you threw up as soon as we opened the bait pail and when i first saw the stars from a cars roof and we first held hands under the blanket on the couch just so you could let me know i was safe when you walked in the door at bens house and he had to stop trying to get me to do stuff because you were there and then you did it.. you killed yourself god i miss you well...
by ~kexllxy

thank you Matti don't know how many times
did you try to end your life? you said you wouldn't
but you lied and then you suceeded thank you Matt and so i'm alone.. again thank you Matt so i can't enjoy a friends birthday because its on november 12th thank you Matt i can't sleep until the 13th thank you Matt you helped me climb my first fence thank you Matt and when we did shots one night and all we told jokes most of them dirty thank you Matt and that time when i was alone with Ben at his house and stuff wasn't going right an thank you Matt
by ~kexllxy

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Journal History

Nov 12, 2009 Today is November 12th
Nov 8, 2009 Devious Journal Entry
Oct 24, 2009 left me here alone
Oct 7, 2009 letter to my brother
Oct 2, 2009 porches are evil
Sep 22, 2009 Ah Hell
Sep 6, 2009 emo pick up lines
Sep 3, 2009 Ahahahahow
Aug 23, 2009 random thoughts
Aug 10, 2009 pity and spite

Today is November 12th

Thu Nov 12, 2009, 12:25 AM

two years ago a friend of mine killed himself. He slit his wrists in the shower. And he waited anf he slowly bled out. A sixteen year old boy, who never really hurt anyone to die, alone in a shower, slowly. And Ben called me and told me. And he was screaming and crying on the phone. It should never have happened. I don't know why he killed himself. I just know that suicide isn't painless, when you leave everyone else in pain. Fuck I'm crying now. God I miss Matt so much

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Mood: Regretful
Listening to: pints of ginness make you strong
Drinking: to forget

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Devious Info

Current Residence: my own mental Hell
Interests: reading, writing, swearing, hunting, hurting myself doing stupid things, doing stupid things
Favourite movie: Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke it's been years since I've seen either
Favourite band or musician: Green Day, B.J.A., T.C., M.D.
Favourite genre of music: Punk/Rock
Favourite poet or writer: Darren Shan
Operating System: windows vista
MP3 player of choice: iPod touch
Shell of choice: The emotional one I have.... It's pretty sometimes
Wallpaper of choice: black with cross busters logo
Skin of choice: onyx/ silver/ red
Favourite game: anything that involves stratgey
Favourite gaming platform: PC, Nintendo 64, Xbox
Favourite cartoon character: Gambit, Yogi Bear, Totoro, No Face (favorite anime character ever), Haku
Personal Quote: you better get a goddamn sense of humor or your going to be alone the rest of your f***ing life
Tools of the Trade: pencil, my messed up world view, a computer

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~serene-enigma 9 hours 9 minutes ago

thanks so much for the fave

~platypusnpeace 19 hours 37 minutes ago

Thanks for da fav!

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Love, such a tiny word, yet full of great meaning

~kathrynkinomoto 1 day 14 hours ago

Thanks for the fave ^^~

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let there be love

~BlackNapkins 2 days 17 hours ago

thanks for the

's!

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My Band

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~FarFallaLoduca Nov 11, 2009, 2:35:14 PM

Favorites cause my tummy to feel tingly on the inside...

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Let there be no truth; Just trickery in rhyme.

~Saraismus Nov 8, 2009, 3:22:40 PM

Thank you so much for the fav.

~Time-to-get-vocal Nov 8, 2009, 3:20:33 PM

Thankyou

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_{FAQ 147: How Do I Get More Page Views?}

~KatastropheInACan Nov 7, 2009, 7:43:24 PM

Thank you for the favorite. :33

--
There's no real love in you.
The pain of love, promise me we'll celebrate it together.

~Tokio Hotel~

~spraypaintontehwall Nov 7, 2009, 12:06:52 PM

thx for the fav. It means... more now. thx.

--
Forever and always
- Yours Truly

~CuddlyPolarBear Nov 6, 2009, 5:59:51 PM

THANKS FOR THE FAAAV!

--

Don't resent me
And when you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest

--
Dango, dango, dango, dango, dango, Daikazoku~